Sunday, April 4, 2021

Motivation: The Power of Praise

When I was a beginning voice teacher, some of my mentors and colleagues warned me to look out for students who only want to be told over and over again how great they are. These students, they said, grew up in the everyone-gets-a-trophy era where they supposedly learned to take any vocal corrections as personal affronts and have become addicted to praise. 

Memories like these and my ongoing explorations of how cognitive science has been informing how we teach voice have caused me lately to reevaluate the word "praise." Having just passed Easter, my immediate thought is to put the word in a religious context where it is often paired as "praise and worship." Although similar, these words are actually defined quite differently. 

Most definitions of "worship" relate to reverence or homage paid to a deity or higher power. We may have deep respect for some of our fellow humans, but we generally don't worship each other. Formal definitions of "praise," however, list some combination of synonyms we use to direct our admiration, commendation, laudation, or adulation toward another person. Intriguingly, of the several definitions of "praise" that I found, every one of them included one word in particular: approval. When we offer someone praise, we are essentially offering them our approval. 

So, let's define approval. According to Oxford Languages, approval is the belief that someone or something is good or acceptable. I think there's a lot to unpack in this definition as it relates to our singing.

For years now, I've been trying to avoid using words like "good" and "bad" in my teaching, although I still catch myself saying them sometimes. I just don't like how they are so tinged with judgment. When it comes to training singers, so many people equate "good" singing with a beautiful sound. But often, in musical theatre, the most expressive or appropriate sound for a given situation may not be particularly beautiful (depending, of course, on how we decide to define "beautiful"). From a technical standpoint, I prefer to focus on whether or not someone's singing is free, efficient, or low-effort rather than "good." In this regard, we can also consider classifying singing as successful or unsuccessful if we simply ask, "Did I accomplish what I was trying to do?" In this case, even unsuccessful singing can still be beautiful and expressive. But if we are trying to measure progress in singing technique, we can benefit from focusing on how consistently we are accomplishing what we are intending.

Be that as it may, what if, when we are singing, we are seeking approval in the form of being "acceptable," as the definition says? Acceptable could just mean "good enough," as in, "Was that good?" "No, but it was acceptable." Some days, depending on what challenges we are facing, acceptable might actually be quite an accomplishment. By this definition, however, acceptable may just be a lower version of "good" and can be similarly difficult to accurately assess. 

But I also think that sometimes when we are seeking approval for our singing, we're not just seeking to be acceptable. Rather, we are seeking to be accepted. In other words, we're seeking belonging. 

Belonging, of course, is a deep human need. And I would imagine that singing and theatre have helped us all find communities in which we sense we belong, feel valued, and are recognized for who we are. I would argue that those are all "good" things. 

However, we should also consider this quote from my colleague Prof. Jeremy Sortore at Utah Valley University. He once wrote

"Therapy is a great idea. Acting is not therapy. Both of these things have great value, but they should not be confused for one another. If you’re exasperated by preparation and only interested in performance, you might be using acting as therapy."

Now read that quote again and replace the word "acting" with "singing." 

So here's what this comes down to (if you will allow my amateur psychologizing to go on for just a bit longer!). When we are singing, it is natural for us to seek approval. We all want and need approval insofar as we all need to feel accepted and we all need to feel that we are good. 

But hopefully you can feel that you are good and worthy of being accepted because you are good and you are worthy of being accepted. Period. This has nothing to do with how you sing; it has everything to do with who you are and the right you have to exist and to be valued. 

Let's return once more to the definition of approval, but this time I'm going to italicize different words: approval is the belief that someone or something is good or acceptable. 

Consider this: When you are seeking approval for your singing, which is natural and healthy, are you wanting to believe that your singing is good and acceptable or that you are good and acceptable? Because sometimes I think we interpret praise (or the lack thereof) of our singing as praise (or the lack thereof) of our selves

Praise of our singing can be an important part of our training—we all need it from time to time. Praise helps us know we are improving and that what we are doing is effective. Praise also helps us know whether we are meeting a standard of success by earning the approval of our teachers, our peers, and our audiences, and that we are meeting our own performance benchmarks, which can be a useful indication as to whether or not we are on track in building a career. 

Seeking this kind of praise may just mean you are driven to meet the expectations necessary for success. But, as a mentor once told me, "You are not your voice." If you are seeking external approval to validate your own self-worth, there may never be enough praise to meet that need.  

The good news, however, is that even on days when your singing feels like it's not earning anyone's seal of approval, you can still know that the person doing the singing is already good and accepted and that those traits can exist independent of any vocal sounds you are able to create.

Praise be. 

Now go practice. 



12 comments:

  1. I definitely agree that many seek for validation in singing and in theatre. Even I have been a victim of that. But I also grew up with a director and mentor that preached about how acting is not therapy and they two should not be combined to feel good and feel validated. I love that you told us to replace the word acting with singing. That is something that I have never thought about and has never occurred to me that those two words can be interchangeable. But looking back on times when I have sang or had a concert, etc, It has occurred to me that maybe I have been a victim of this. I also love what your mentor said to you about self validation and the validation that comes with singing. I think for me right now, I almost seek that validation with my singing because it isn't how I want it to sound and doesn't sound like others who I look up to.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zowie Brian, hitting my heartstrings with another zinger. This post certainly encouraged some cognitive recall and amplified numerous areas of my being, artistic and personal.

    First off, I would like to "praise you" for emphasizing that each person is already worthy and whole, regardless of their singing. That's something I strive to remind myself daily. I also love that you highlighted the importance of vernacular, and recognized that certain verbiage comes with implied connotation. I too agree that "good or bad" could be removed from the equation.

    To be fully honest, a string of my self worth IS tied to the way I perceive my own singing. This is a rocky road, as a "good" singing day means I am "good" and a "bad" singing day, means I'm the pits. Though, I am working on allowing myself to receive little to no external validation to determine my self worth. This is what I feel dampens the rehearsal process for me, as you were alluding to with the "Singing is not therapy" quote. The process can be difficult because I have already assumed failure is the probable outcome, also believing I may be the common denominator. Though, I "know" that is not true, execution is iffy... for NOW. It's a process, right?

    I would again like to thank you for giving us space to reflect, be vulnerable, and process. It truly means the world.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brian, first of all, ALWAYS go on longer with your ametuer psychologizing! It has kept me sane these past few years.

    Since singing was never my strongest growing up or even entering this program I always was looking to sound "good" to gain approval. But recently (especially after reading this post) I have come to view my singing more as what you described, successful or unsuccessful. With how much growth I have achieved over the past 5 years I may not have ever sounded "good" to my own ears, but have definitely sung successfully. My range has increased, I learned to release tension, I learned my boundaries of under or over practicing. To me all of these things made me a more successful singer no matter how I thought I sounded. Even in the senior show where I initially struggled in my confidence and fear of sounding "good" for professor and peer approval, I came to realize that the things I've learned in lessons gave me the ability to do it, I just had to stop worrying about approval. When we sung through much of the work that I was nervous for, it went better than expected, not because I thought I sounded good but because I thought I sang successfully and healthily. This has been quite the vocal journey and I'm glad I can see so much progress in myself, so graduating I can look back on my time here and say I did lots of things successfully! Thank you Brian for being an incredible teacher, mentor, friend, therapist, etc.

    Wyatt

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really, really resonated with this weeks blog. I loved the reminder that we all have tremendous intrinsic value that exists completely separate from our singing. We should not be seeking validation as human beings, as not amount of external validation an prove that. We have to put in the work to find our intrinsic value ourselves, whether through affirmations, therapy, and so on. I think once I changed my own mindset on this, it helped me adjust how I approached all areas of this career.

    I know that I have worth as an artist and a person. I also recognize that it isn't inherently bad to seek approval from a teacher that I am going in the correct direction with what I am working on. For me, this ties back into the discussion about motivation. If I am purely motivated by that need for validation, fueled by a perceived deficiency in my work, then I will not see true progress. If I am seeking validation and correction from my teacher to further encourage the growth I've been making, this will only continue to foster that same growth. For me, I just need to be aware of where this desire for validation is coming from. I am incredibly grateful that I've felt valued and appreciated in this studio and program, so I don't feel that I am constantly having to fight for basic validation as a person. Instead, I am given pushes to grow as an artist, and have fostered my own self-worth to a point that I don't need outside validation that I can "make it in the business", because honestly, what does a single person's validation mean for that anyways? There is a whole world of theatre, and not every casting director, agent, etc. is going to like you! Seeking validation from everyone, while an old habit of mine, will only limit what you can accomplish because you find yourself wasting more time on "what do they think of me" and less on "what can I do for myself to make the next opportunity better?"

    ReplyDelete
  5. As much as I hate to admit it, I get far too much of my self-worth out of performing. And if said performance goes well I'll feel great but if it doesn't it can really get me down. I'll let one moment on a stage dictate my value as a human being as opposed to remembering I have so much worth outside of whether I can hit a note perfectly or not. I can be very hard on myself, especially vocally, because its an area I've never felt super strong in but when I take a moment to look back I can see I have made significant strides since I started. I think thats why the line of "you are not your voice" in particular resonated with me. This blog was a great reminder that I am more that just my voice, my acting, or (thank God) my dancing; that’s not what ultimately defines me. As Professor Sortore said "Acting(Singing) is not therapy” and I will continue to strive to find a healthy balance between seeking approval for the sake of improvement and for seeking it for the sake of of my self-worth.

    - Jacob

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brian, you just keep hitting home runs with these blog posts ;) And they just keep getting better and better.

    Like everyone else has said, I too find myself connecting my self-worth to my singing, dancing, and acting. After all, we are in a musical theatre program, so it's hard not to do that? On days when I feel good about my singing/dancing/acting, I feel good about myself. On days when I don't feel good about my singing/dancing/acting, I don't feel good about myself. So thank you for another reminder that our worth and our value is not attached to how "good" we are at this craft. It is especially hard to separate our worth from our singing, because we are constantly told we have to be the best of the best or we won't be successful.

    I feel as though recently, I've been doing a better job about separately my singing from how I feel about myself as a person. I don't get as upset when I don't like how a song sounds in my voice, I rest my voice when I know she's done for the day, and I feel as though I have healthier habits about how to take care of myself. While I do find singing/acting/dancing therapeutic, it is also a good reminder that those things are not therapy. I am more accepting of that fact that I will not get everyone's approval, and that is okay, because at the end of the day, the way I feel about myself is what is MOST important. OF COURSE, I want to improve my technique in my craft but that shouldn't come at the cost of my well-being. There is a way to do it in a way that is safe and healthy, where we can learn and grow in a positive environment.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I, myself, am not the performer that I am. I am me. Performing is only one part of who I am, even if I do not succeed in it. Likewise, even if my career isn't marked by commercial success, I am still a legitimate performer and artist. It will always be apparent to the audience, on some level, if you are using the work to validate yourself. Something I have learned this year is that the best work happens when you take YOU out of the equation. When you remove "do I look stupid right now? Do I sound good? Do I look okay?" you have more room for "what would that CHARACTER do right now?". To worry about yourself in a scene or a role could be considered selfish.
    That isn't to say you shouldn't get anything out of performing, though! Why would we all be doing it is if it didn't feel good?It's okay to enjoy the attention, praise and validation that comes with performing as long as you don't originate the work out of a need for those things. You can always tell when a person is doing so. I have found what work best for me is investing in outside interests so that I do not let the work of the theatre or a need for approval consume me. When I am well rounded, I am more centered. I am a better story-teller too, because I have seen and experienced more.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have had times where i have wanted reasurence and aproval from people. It is something that i continue to work on but I love what you said about acting not being therapy. I have heard people say that they act to escape and i do see the difference there but i see it as fun. And when it comes to singing i see that as a great way to see progress in what I am doing.
    Alex Fish

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow this one really hit close to home. I never realized I connected my singing to my own self worth but I do. I'm surprised I've never made that connection before because it's something I actually do a lot. Reading this I'm starting to see how I've pretty much lived my life doing that up until now. For a long time I've equaled good singing to me being a worthy person. I seek a lot of validation through that and most of the time it's what makes me feel like I belong. I guess I never had much practice at being kind to myself. It's something I've been working on lately but I know it'll also take time. Thanks for this blog. It definitely made me think about a lot of things.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really get in my head with performances, it affects me in ways that upset me beyond belief. I constantly seek approval and validation because if I am not the perfect performer than I am nothing at all. I realize that this is a problem that I have been working on and working around, but as with everything it will take time. These blog posts show me things about myself that confuse me that I repress from time to time and push me to work through them and be not just a better performer but a better person for it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am totally guilty for wanting praise whenever I sing sometimes. What you described is exactly how I feel. That anxiety while performing because I want approval from my peers since I was considered to be the one of the “singers” at my old high school. I wanted to prove that my ability could prove my title. I love that you mentioned that even the performance that we, as the artist, considered to be unsuccessful, can be impactful and beautiful to the audience. What is considered “good” and “bad” varies from person to person, so it’s much easier to just keep doing your best no matter what and keep enjoying what you do! I believe that a person’s love for the arts will shine no matter what, because of the energy they produce.

    ReplyDelete
  12. We are in the year 2021, and considering that the coronavirus has massively affected PPC marketing and business strategies, all businesses have to conform to the new marketing approaches.
    PPC marketing

    ReplyDelete