Sunday, November 11, 2018

A resume of failures

There was a recent thread on one of the voice teacher Facebook groups I follow that caught my attention. One of the moderators posted about how most successful performers often only achieve success after a series of failures and rejections. But we usually aren't aware of this because we only know them because of their successes. He then asked if any of us would be willing to share some of the failures we've encountered over the years.

He offered his own experiences first by describing disastrous auditions, being rejected by agents, not getting re-hired by companies he had previously performed for, and on and on. He is currently a voice teacher at a leading U.S. conservatory after having an international singing career, but he still has a long litany of failures that occurred before, during, and after his successes.

Another person in the group posted about how difficult it was to stay afloat financially when she was trying to start her career, considering how much money she was spending on voice lessons, coachings, audition wear, headshots, etc. She said she went on so many auditions "[...] in which the only positive was that my backpack was lighter due to emptying my wallet." She later went on to an 18-year career singing at the Metropolitan Opera and is now a voice professor at a major university in the Midwest.

Lots of others were jumping in with their own lists of failures, so I posted as well.

Ever since I was a freshman in high school, I knew that I wanted to have a career that involved singing and teaching music. When I was in college, I realized that my dream was to teach voice at the university level. After lots of years of twists and turns, I finally felt ready to start applying for college teaching positions.

I had to go back and count but, as it turns out, I applied for more than 100 university positions over the years. I was named a finalist for ten of those jobs. This means I made it past the resume rounds, made it past the phone interviews, and was invited to campus for interviews, recitals, and teaching demonstrations. These 10 interviews resulted in exactly ZERO job offers. In a few cases they hired an internal candidate who was already teaching at the school. In at least one case, they canceled the search due to the funding being pulled. In two other cases, they didn’t hire any of the finalists and reopened the searches.

The set of circumstances that eventually led to the job I have now was circuitous, to say the least, but that's a story for another blog. :) Suffice it to say, it took a long time, but I come to work everyday knowing that I'm doing something I've wanted to do since I was 14 years old.

It’s funny that whenever any of us achieve any degree of success there is an unspoken rule that we are supposed to hide all of our previous failures. I’ve never understood that. I think it's really important that we talk about our failures without shame or fear since they are an inevitable part of this business. 

Of course, each of my own rejections was difficult to take at the time (ranging from upsetting to devastating). But I know that each of those experiences led me to the work I am doing now in the place where I am doing it.

And I'm pretty happy with that!

How has your singing been? How has failure impacted your journey?

Now go practice.





25 comments:

  1. I’m finally getting out of my sickness phase. Most of the time, my voice is fairly consistent, but I’ve had better days. I think I should try to drink less Monster Energy Drinks and more tea haha. As for failure, I’ve had my fair share. I don’t go out and audition as much as I should, but I’ve never auditioned for a show outside of school and got cast. The only non school related show I’ve been in was The Who’s Tommy this past summer at the Ziegfeld Theatre in Ogden. The funny thing is, I never auditioned. Some guy quit and my friend who was already in the show called me up and said they needed another guy so I just went for it. I personally need to get out there more and audition, but, like everyone else in the world, I don’t like to be rejected or fall flat on my face. Definitely something I need to continue to work on.

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  2. My singing has been going really well! I am very comfortable performing in front of my class mates and I don't get very nervous while with them. This may change if I added new people into the mix but I am looking forward to trying it. Failure has definitely taught me to have patience. There have been times when I have worked so hard for something and have put in so much time only to fail in the end. It is quite frustrating but looking back on it now I realize that even though I was upset about it at the time, I am more prepared to face failure now that I had the experience.

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  3. My singing is doing fine... I think. Again, I know I've said this before, but some days my voice does better than others, but as a whole, I think I'm improving. :) I need to continue to work on my head voice and right now I'm struggling to find motivation to work. I think I'm just in a bit of a rut, but give me a hot second and I will find the motivation I promise! As for failure, I've experienced my fair share, but at the end of the day, failure doesn't define how I perform or how good I am. I definitely believe in the phrase 'que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be." I mean, I definitely have a hand in shaping my future, but I like to believe that a failure just means that something else that's even better is coming my way. That may just be the optimist in me, but it's working so far. I feel like I handle most rejection fairly well. Every now and then it gets hard and I get down, but each tomorrow morning is a new day and you gotta just do it sometimes!

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  4. Practice has been good just trying to get everything memorized and ready which can be a lot with the end of the semester approaching but I still feel like i've managed to have some bigger breakthroughs this semester which has been nice i finally feel like im understanding and feeling what I should be doing with my voice which feels really nice. On the lines of failure I think its something you cant avoid there will be some moment that you feel like a failure the important part of that is what you choose to do after the failure. You can either let that failure destroy you which ive let happen a few times. Or you can accept that it wasn't the right moment for you and that there will be more you have to make the choice within how you respond to failure thats what turns that failure into the next big job instead of just being the end of your career

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  5. This week my voice has been very tired (along with the rest of me). After long nights of rehearsing and then performing, it has taken a toll on my singing and I can feel it. I have focused a lot on making sure i'm keeping my voice healthy and of course, straw phonation. With my voice not being it's strongest, I have had to be very conscious of not pushing myself while practicing. Things sound weaker and right now thats what it is and I need to honor that instead of pushing through it and making myself hurt.
    As for failures I have sure had many of those. But I like to think that behind every failure there's something that leads you to a success, you just have to keep pursuing whatever it is. I know I wouldn't be where I was if I didn't fail at certain moments. I think that it's nice to look back at what was in the moment,a devastating failure, and then see it now as just a way of guiding you to where you are now.

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  6. My dream for a long time was to go to Juilliard for acting. When college auditions came around, I flew to Chicago for the Unifieds. There were a number of schools I had my eye on, but Juilliard was the only audition I was really thinking about. I remember visiting my junior year of high school and thinking "this is the right place" and just knowing I was gonna go there. Fast forward to the day of the audition, everyone in my audition group warmed up together, then they started calling people in, I went about midway through. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I don't recall being particularly happy with the work I did. After everyone had auditioned they posted a list of the people who were called back, we all gathered round as they taped it to the wall. I saw people look at it and then look down in dismay. When I got to it I saw there was only one name- and it wasn't mine. Out of 30-40 people only one had gotten even a first-round callback. I remember calling my mom afterward, I didn't feel particularly sad just a little numb. I was rejected by most of the schools I auditioned for, and it really affected me for a while. Despite there being many bright spots in my time auditioning for schools, those failures stood out the most. For a while it bothered me a lot and definitely made me question my talent. Nowadays I feel a strong need to prove myself, a chip on my shoulder to prove those schools wrong. It may not be the healthiest approach but I definitely find motivation in it, among many other things.

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    1. This is Connor Johnson by the way, not sure why it says unknown

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  7. Failure....Failure and guess what? Failure. I feel that makes up a pretty big chunk of an artist life, but I wouldn't have it any other way honestly. I don't like the feeling of failure but after a day or two I realize that if I didn't experience those feelings than I didn't care for the job enough. With singing I have failed multiple times as every singer has, but once I looked back on my memories on stage, I realized people only remember the good times. People see us and think "wow, such talent" and yes, it is talent to a point, but the hard work and failures that we put ourselves through is the true art. The trees of our success are rooted with failures. Today we may not hit that specific note, hold a perfect tone, and heck maybe we won't ever hit that high note we want so dearly but we can sure as heck do a lot with the voices we have now. There is always room for improvement and understanding from the failures we create.

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  8. It's because I failed in my musical success as a Freshman in college, that I began to work and ended up living a lifestyle that helped me cross the path of people who helped guide me to the University of Utah. So without failure, I wouldn't be here today at the U. I wouldn't be as happy, as educated, and as involved as I am. I am grateful for my "failure". - Chase Quinn

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  9. There have been so many missed opportunities, failures, rejection, and obstacles I have had to face before getting to where I am today. And even still I have so far to go in order to reach my goals. In high school I would compete in competitions and see my friends win awards at the One-Act festival, while I would walk away with nothing. And honestly I am so glad I had to learn early that failure happens more often than not, because it set me up for how to deal with rejection from universities. My senior year of high school, I went to the Chicago Unifieds with my mom. I auditioned for a number of schools including University of Minnesota, Berkeley, the U, and University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and a few smaller schools. I also auditioned across the street for UCLA, which might I add is a lengthy audition process and was kind of horrible. But out of all those schools, I only got accepted into two programs. I was super elated about getting accepted into those programs, but my poor heart was pretty affected by the rejection I faced. Now as I have grown and evolved as a person, I have learned that failure is actually healthy. It's a reset on the motivation needed to succeed. It pushes me forward to try and fight for the next opportunity.

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  10. Failure has been hard for me to overcome in my time here. Especially in classwork that wasn't successful, I have been particularly hard on myself and thought that I reflected poorly on my skill as an actor. My own self-consciousness and fear of failure will often times paralyze my work and my progress. I still rely heavily on how others perceive my work; a crutch that I need to grow out of. However, I have found that I do learn more about myself from my failures than I do from my successes. My self-analytical tendencies force me to inspect why I perceive certain things as failures and why they might not be failures at all. I've reached the point that I can start being critical of myself without being self-deprecating, but I think I still have a long way to go in terms of truly reaping the full array of benefits offered to me in failure.

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  11. My singing journey feels like it has been nothing but failure. There is a significant difference between acknowledging failure and dwelling in failure and I think most people miss out on the acknowledgment to avoid the dwelling. Crying through vocal lessons and choking back tears in rehearsal and sweating oceans of water at performances created the foundation to build a solid structure on. I acknowledge and accept that, so I can move forward. But if I talk about that anxiety every day, I know I won’t be able to move forward because I will be so overwhelmed with those feelings. Listening to success stories brings me hope. Listening to failure stories gives me something to relate to but I don’t necessarily need to relate to my own negative place of existence. I learned from my failure and I can learn from others failure, but others success gives me hope and something to look forward to. I think that is why most people keep their failures in the closet—unless someone asks for something to learn and relate to it doesn’t seem very constructive to share.

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  12. I feel like for a while this semester I had plateau'd in every aspect of the business. Acting, dancing, and singing. But i didn't give up and i kept working hard because i knew deep down that something would click eventually. Recently what clicked was the natural ability to do IPA. How easy it was to remember the symbols. Etc.. I also know that work ethic is what will get you places. And i truly believe that. This semester has been full of failure and rejection, but it hasn't been super upsetting. I know that's what makes me stronger. Why should i be sad that i didn't get the part when i know that the part went to someone who is better fit for it. Someday there will be a part that im a better fit for and it will all work out. But for now its full of trial and error.

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  13. This article is super relevant to where I am at in my life right now. At the beginning of 2018 during audition season, I was going to every audition in the valley. As I would go to all these auditions, I would go in with confidence and come out with less. I would see all of my friends booking the same gigs that I was also auditioning for and would be hurt even though nothing was personal. I would feel rejected, unwanted, depressed, and like a failure. After every audition I would ask myself if I was sure this is what I wanted to do with my life, I would always end up going to another audition. After all of these auditions and callbacks, I went to one audition that I was really excited about and really wanted. I ended up booking the part and could not have been happier. This experience was life changing and helped me to realize that I should never give up on my dreams even when the road is super rocky. This article was great to help me realize that you don't know success until you know failure. I also realized that we are all more similar that we are different and that everyone has a completely different skillset. I loved this article and the beautiful profession that I have chosen to pursue.

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  14. I find that I constantly need to remind myself of this. Everyone experiences failure and not getting the part. You will get turned down and rejected way more often than you will get the job. It is difficult to remember that no one is getting every job they audition for, and that your talent level and worthiness isn't always a factor in their decision. You can be the best apple in the room, but if they're looking for a banana you'll never get the part. I feel like 9/10 times I "failed" and feel dejected but that 1 time when I finally get something, I remember how much I love this field and profession all over again. Singing has always been a weaker point for me. I am not much of a singer, and I'm not much of a dancer or mover. Throughout my time at the U, I have tried to push myself as hard as I can in both aspects so that I can improve even in the slightest, and during the singing class I have felt as if I have grown as a singer. But then I hear professionals and I hear people in the MTP sing and I feel like a failure. This post is a great way to remind myself that I'm not a failure just because I'm not at the same level as others. In fact, I'm thriving because of how far I have improved. This business is "failure" after "failure" and taking a minute to remember that no one got to where they are without failure is refreshing.

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  15. The quote that you posted, “The difference between a master and a beginner is that a master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” was something that struck me. I’m definitely a beginner. I think it’s the thing I feel most guilty for- letting the fear of failure consume my life. If I’m being honest...I haven’t auditioned for much. I don’t tend to put myself out there. I’m terrified of being torn down. However, me not putting myself out there is also tearing me down. I see auditions being posted...but just ignore them. I suppose in my mind I’m waiting to be more trained, but I know that is just a petty excuse. I need to start accepting that failure is imminent. Reading others posts have really helped to open my eyes. Perhaps this will all be my new year’s resolution!

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  16. The biggest way i failed in a way that has impacted my career, was during my audition this year. I made it a big deal to work hard on all of my audition material. I rehearsed in ever second i had almost obsessively. Another way i failed was letting my nerves get to me which caused me to make mistakes in the audition that made me second guess myself in the audition. I realized that it is a failure to not trust myself, and that i can do work that will get me to work (and rejection is what pushes you most). Hard work and whether or not i have done it, is the only thing that should matter in my audition work, not nervousness.

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  17. One of my favorite quotes is Beckett's sage advice, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better." There is so much stigma surrounding the word "failure" which is unfortunate because there isn't one person who is great at whatever they may do, whether they're a performer, professor, hair stylist, astronaut, and on and on that hasn't failed on the way to getting there. I always try to remind myself that failure is one of the greatest opportunities to learn and get better. I actually have this intense desire to do a great job on everything I set my mind to, as most people do. I also have an excruciating fear of failure which only gets in my way to learn and actually do well. It's a silly contradiction. Failure has impacted my journey as an actor many times because when I'm focused on not failing then I'm not being authentically myself and I'm blocking my creativity. The times I've had the most fun performing or practicing and come up with my best ideas are when I've relaxed and forgotten about that fear. I am still struggling with it very much in some aspects of my work, but this program is pushing me to stop living with fear as my central feeling. I look forward to continuing to relax and unbind myself so I can learn and grow and connect with others around me.

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  18. I've been blessed with many failures. And I used the term blessed loosely because it has been a hard and long ride to get where I am now. But I always see these trials as an opportunity to learn and grow from them. This week my singing has been a bit rough. I've been sick for almost 2 full weeks with a ton of throat swelling so it's been painful and a ton of self care. Its getting better, so hopefully with the show closing and rest. I'll be better.

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  19. Considering the problems I've recently been having with my voice, singing has been going very well. My voice has been feeling healthier, and the pieces I'm working on are feeling less challenging, which is ideal.
    I'm still kind of at the beginning of my journey, so I guess the fear of failure has impacted me most. It's kind of still hitting me that probably most of my career will be auditions. More than rehearsals and more than shows, it will be auditions. So, I'm gonna get fantastic at it. I have to remember that failing to get cast is not really something I can control. Most of the time it's out of my hands. And failing to get cast (or get any job) is not me failing as a person. Of course, that all intellectual and it's much easier to say than to feel, but there is something comforting in knowing there's a lot of unavoidable failure out there waiting for me and I can't do a thing about it. When I say it's comforting, I mean if there's nothing I can do about it anyway, than I don't need to be afraid. I don't really need to feel like a failure if I have to fail before I succeed and it's pretty much inescapable. It's actually a liberating thought.

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  20. My voice has been doing well for the last week. Ive been struggling to keep up with sleep, which puts some undue stress on it. My hope is that I can get through until the end of the semester without over exerting, leading to any failures during finals 😶 Heres to a week of mindful work and crossed fingers

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  21. I try to audition as much as I can. It’s hard to always feel as prepared as I want to in auditions because I’m so busy and stressed. I have been auditioning less than I feel like I should be because I got so busy for a few months and it never seemed right. I have been lucky recently with my casting out side of school and it was a confidence booster for awhile until after that only getting rejected for the next couple auditions and it kicked my confidence right back down, which I think can be good to learn that you can get good things but that each show is looking for something different and that yes I’m good enough to get some part but I don’t fit every part. If I also didn’t fail one audition that I really wanted earlier this year I wouldn’t have gotten The Wolves because I would have already been booked and The Wolves was a way better opportunity and experience. So failure can really be a good thing in disguise especially in the moment, but in the end failure is something we all live with and helps push us to be better. I’m also finally starting to get better from being sick which is really nice because being sick makes you feel like you’re failing even more than usual.

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  22. It has been very rare that I have found myself walking out of an audition thinking that I killed it. Auditions have been and still are the scariest part about performing for me. That being said, I think the audition is one of my favorite parts about a show process. Going into an audition that I have taken a lot of time to prepare for and I go in confident, the nervous feeling turns more into adrenaline and excitement. I feel that this adrenaline can be pretty addicting. I am always looking for different show and opportunities to be able to audition. But not going to lie I have had some really interesting and funny bad audition stories from the past, but I remember them to make sure that I am always my most prepared and confident.
    My singing has been a little weird lately. I cannot tell if keep getting sick over and over again, or if I am having bad allergies. My voice and throat have often felt tingly and uncomfortable for the last month. I have been practicing by singing more softly than I normally do.
    -Caden Tudor

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  23. My singing has been good recently and I feel like I am learning more about what my voice is capable of. I have experienced numerous failures over the last few years. One of the first major ones that really affected me afterwards was when I auditioned for the theatre department at a performing arts high school back home. I felt great about my audition but when they sent out the letters a few weeks later I found out I hadn't been accepted. I ended up getting into the film program at the same school but I wasn't all that excited about it. Looking back I am grateful to have had that failure because spending four years studying film helped me realize that theatre was something that I really wanted to pursue and I feel played a part in getting me to being here now. I usually don't deal with the disappointment I experience alongside failure very well, however as I have had more failures I have been able to look at it from the perspective that it will be something that will allow me to learn or have a different opportunity come along that I wouldn't have had without having failed

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  24. Failure is most often my motivation rather then a deterrent from taking action. Before college, I was often bogged down by failing and strongly discouraged when it presented its self. But, to be honest, I’m paying to learn how to work in a profession where failing is inevitable- so i look at it as something positive. Numerous guest speakers through the last month or so have said to make friends with it, so when it meets you- you can remain motivated and positive. This has really helped me out this semester- especially since I’ve been sick a lot this semester. I’ve finally reached a balance, I feel, between being upset with the failure- but then using it to push me to work harder and practice more efficiently.

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